No your not crazy I have delt with such issues and am now living a better life I haven't done cocaine in 3 years I am 13 months sober from alcohol I too come from a hellish background and I made it to the other side
I relate as I gave up a class A drug but couldn't stop drinking the legal stuff well here I am, I am proof right before your eyes and Im happy too
I'm sure i suffer some form of mental illness from everything ive seen and experienced but I don't like labels and I don't take medication (none is prescribed my doctor says I'm of sound mind these days compared to when I first broke down in his office lol)
I want to say you can do it but I get the feeling you already know that so you need a plan and Id start with mtns going to the doctor explaining
No shame in a phoenix rising from the ashes !