cant stop
I have been ruining my life with drugs and alcohol since i was 13.i am 39 now.every relationship ive had has been destroyed bc of my behavior.i was addicted to heroin and coke for several years and have become an alcoholic after quitting those.im ashamed of myself.i have a great boyfriend that probably wont deal with much more.ihave a past w mental illness and have spent time as a teen in treatment for suicidal behavior.there are numerous reasons ii medicate but the one that causes the most damage is that i like it.my behavior is immature and hurtful.i think my fear of closeness with my boyfriend and trust issues are fueling my fire.i often do the exact opposite of what i know is right in some sick way of sabatoge to myself. I do not know how to be in control of my anger and stop basically comitting slow suicide.i really need help and drinking more seems to be the only way ive delt w things.learned behavior and a cycle of awful. Anyone out there relate to me? Am i crazy?