What wonderful insights you have gained!!!!!!! I completely relate to this:
What I do is stream of consciousness writing every evening, and boy has God dropped some knowledge on me. This is easier to do for me than formal meditation or prayer because in high school/college I was an avid journaller. I think it saved my life, in all honesty through some of my depressive teen years when I really *didn't* know myself. So it was familiar to slip back into.
I did a LOT of journaling in my teen years & looking back now, I wish I'd kept a lot of it. I know stuff just came tumbling out & I was often surprised at what I could *hear* myself saying, surprised at the insights I *already* had without knowing. I did a lot of creative prose too, off the wall poetry & stuff that isn't fit to read by an audience but it always brings back memories of the events surrounding the time it was written. I used to sit at a word processor (lol, dating myself here) and just type a single sentence -whatever came to mind.... & then build the rest of the story from there, stream of consciousness.
I'm taking this post as a cue that I need to dust off the stuff I have managed to hang onto & reread it again now, at this point in my recovery. Thanks!