exparatrooper

I have posted in other forums since i have joined this wonderful website. Reading and posting here has helped relieve so much stress and anxiety I can not begin to express how helpful all of you here have been even if you have not replied to me directly.

I am going through a very rough time right now (clearly not nearly as rough as some of you) I walked out on my Fiance of 3 years on july 24th.. my Birthday... finding her passed out drunk on the couch and a half a bottle of liquor hidden in her purse was the last straw for me.

I am trying to understand (If that is even possible) Why she and her family are passing the blame of all of this onto me. So that is why I am creating this post in hopes to gain a better understanding of what has happened and in the process maybe relieve some of the guilt that I have for leaving her laying there passed out (I did not abandon her there, i called her parents immediately upon me leaving the apartment) but understand she started becoming violent and has attacked me in the past, called the cops on me to try and have me arrested when she got up super early on this passed new years day and drank an entire bottle of southern comfort.. I called her mother because i freaked out and didn't know what to do, i didn't know if i needed to call an ambulance or if she could die or what... my fiancé woke up to hearing me on the phone with her mother in the other room and just went ballistic, started punching me, tackled me choking me all the while i am still on the phone with her mother.. and this did not seem to bother her mother at all.. her mother did however stick up for me with the cops when the got there and came to my defense.. her mother has since turned on my as my ex fiancé has as well and i have been completely cut off since my ex went to the hospital and then to rehab. Her family will not speak to me and my ex has only said "you can come and get your things when i am ready, please leave me alone" that is all i have heard from her since july 24th.





so i guess what i am trying to comprehend is how can she be upset with me when she drove to the liquor store, she purchased the bottle and she hid it in her purse... she hid it from me throughout my birthday dinner and waited until i was not looking to open it and drink over half the bottle. The mind of an addict baffles my non addict mind... how is it possible that she can truly believe that i did something wrong..

The only thing i can think of is that she is mad that after i drew a line in the sand a couple weeks before, she got caught and I carried out my end of my ultimatum... No more would i allow her to abuse me, choke me, kick me... no the physical stuff only ever happened once in three years... I am a guy and it may seem backwards that a guy is talking about physical abuse from an alcoholic fiancé... but let me tell you i had to stand there and use every ounce of my being to lock my hands and my arms and let her punch me in the face and not slip and hit her back... letting her abuse me was the hardest thing i have ever had to do i was so angry that she was doing it and afterwards i was so hurt that someone who told me they loved me would try to hurt me. I did not want to hurt her so i had no choice but to let her hurt me... i did not want my life ruined by a stay in jail over losing my composure.

after that i actually slept in my pants for several weeks worried to death she would wait until i fell asleep to go to her new hidden stash wherever that may have been and drink more then start another fight and try to hurt me... maybe next time she would get a knife! Im sorry after that happened my trust for her was completely destroyed and i had no idea what she could be capable of. That really hurt our relationship, my not being able to trust her anymore... she noticed it and started fights over it... we lost intimacy and that was my fault.. i didn't tell her she was pretty enough and that was my fault.. i no longer wanted to talk about the wedding and that was my fault.. i didn't love her enough and that was my fault... the list goes on... but i know now that it was not my fault that anyone in my situation would feel the same way had they been abused and lied to by an addict like that... no one would want to discuss wedding plans after being abused, having bottles hid all over the apartment, have her mother tell me to start hiding my wallet in my glove box in my car, having her lie to my face, catching her drinking in the morning before work and denying that she had.. even though i had marked the bottle in the freezer with a marker and could clearly see the level was significantly lower than the mark i put on it the night before.