Take a look at the book called "The Secret" if you can. I don't hold much with the self help books but this one points out how you can change your thinking a little. I do personally believe that you quite often get what you expect in this life. I know if I walk in the door to work and think "this is going to be a god awful day" then invariably it is a rotten day
My own thinking is all over the place at the moment but I still delve into this book from time to time. Its just a thought based on what others have said. Expect yourself to succeed and see if that helps rather than seeing relapse as a forgone conclusion.
I don't think the book is very expensive. I picked mine up from a charity shop for a fiver once it was no longer flavour of the month. Best of luck to you and please keep posting. You have the gift of expressing yourself through writing. Jude