That is the key. I had to stop drinking and NEEDED to quit when I was 18. I did not WANT to quit more than anything until I was 38. You say in post #16 that you can't drink anymore and that you need to quit but for me that was not enough.
I am an alcoholic. I had to desire quitting more than ANY.THING. Needing to is really not relevant to me. Knowing it and doing it ARE two different things. I knew for 20 years before I did anything about it.
I will say, thought, when I was ready to get sober, NOTHING could stop me. I have an amazing life now at five years sober. But I had to be ready and willing to do it. THAT is where the rub is, because for decades I was not. Not really. I only thought about it.
Glad you are here.