You can change how you react and respond. That's all you can control. And I understand the difficulty of self care with small kids to look after.
I once ducked into the bathroom for my first shower in two or three days while my then 4 yo son (he's 12 now) was busy with a Wiggles DVD. I had the door open and kept poking my head out every couple of minutes to check on him, but sometime during the two minutes it took me to shampoo and rinse my hair, he got ahold of the dish soap and decided to give the fish a "bubble bath." I attempted a rescue operation but it was too late. So RIP Spider Man, Green Goblin and Lionfish Daddy (we let him name the fish).
Hugs.