Emma,
You sound like me and I was in denial for too long drinking everyday, I got away with it for long enough but the bad things start to happen and they add up.
You need to ask yourself why?? I know I did for a long time and it took a long time to realise in my case at least I needed the grog to escape what I thought was the tedium of life and a good degree of self loathing. Which during periods of sobriety I have had has lifted.
It is hard but self admission is first step.
Stick around read stories, listen to som online AA shares to see if you can relate it may help you answer the question.