Thanks to the both of you. I was up all night trying to understand or at least feel better about everything. Of course there's no feeling better about this really. So I just had a rough night.
I know I did the best thing for me. It hurts very badly but I can't be involved in the scary situations I know I could be put in.
I guess I'm saddest that this wonderful person is gone because of a substance. A chemical. I don't understand why and I hate that the good person that is there has to suffer with the addict.
We didn't discuss his drug use at length. He said he'd done many. Said he'd sold coke. I believe he said he'd done it, or smoked it. I know his ex was into meth... He never said if he had been. I do know he had issues with alcohol... and he had the NA book in his apartment. So...
I just... I've stayed away from drugs my whole life. My only drug is cigarettes. I know they're terrible... but I have zero experience with any substance abuse Other than that. I've been very lucky that if I tried anything ever I didn't get hooked. Granted I didn't do the biggies. I don't know. But in general I know very little about it. And I'm so used to being treated badly for other reasons that well... my first thought was I was being tossed aside for someone else.
I just don't think so. I'm pretty sure he relapsed. Don't get me wrong... I understand that cheating could have occurred once this behavior began. That breaks my heart too, in a thousand pieces. I feel bad leaving but if he won't share with me there is nothing I can do.
I feel like the man I fell for is dead and it is an awful feeling.
I don't know his family. I don't even know if they know he was in recovery or ever had a problem.
I just don't know. I'm very hurt. I hope someday he can respect me enough and clean up again to apologize but I don't know. I do hope he gets help if I'm right. I hate thinking of him wasting it all for this.