Butterfly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! WE ALL LOVE YOU!!!!!!!
I think it's important for you to realize that when you do the things you have to do to protect yourself and your kids, you don't have to give up hope or stop caring for someone.
I still hope my X stops drinking one day, that he realizes that he has hurt everyone around him, including himself. I still have empathy for him even though he has been a creep in the past in my life. That being said, while I have empathy, I don't let those feelings drive any of my behavior. I let the knowledge of what I know is the right and wrong things to do for me and my children be what drives all of my actions.
Huge, Huge hugs my dear friend.
XXX