Part two
This guy asked if I had a Big Book, I did, I'd had one from 1 week sober, which my wife got for me after being advised by someone at AA central office .... but I'd never bothered to open it or read it because I was too lazy but I had also received advice lots of times along the lines of "don't worry about the book, just get to LOTS of meetings & just don't drink"
That night I read the book ... my world & mind shattered for a 2nd time ... why didn't anyone tell me about this ? Why do people advise NOT reading the book ?
I had lots of thoughts & questions flying through my head.
I read aloud the 3rd step prayer on page 63 and wham, I got a spiritual experience. A feeling of calm, serenity, ectasy .... the most wonderful experience I have ever had ... period. 100 x any drug or drink I had ever taken. It was just beautiful.
So, I turned up at my next home group meeting a week later & shared from the floor about the book & what had happened. The next speaker called was an "old timer" who without mentioning me by name or making eye contact, basically rubbished everything I had just said. Of course all the other people in the group looked up to this guy, cause he hadn't had a drink for a good long time. I felt pretty alone that night.
I was a tiger for punishment though & I later asked that old timer to help me with a 4th step etc. He told me it didn't matter, basically he just trotted out the "just go to meetings, just don't drink" and that was the end of that.
I had suspected the guy who told me "they don't talk about the steps cause they've never taken them" was right ... I now had it 100% confirmed.
So I went to a "Spiritual Concept" meeting, surely I could talk about the book & my spiritual experience here ... right ?
Apparently not, two guys left the room when I was asked to share & did talk about it, then after the meeting ... shunned by all. Except for one young girl who said something nice to me like "good to hear someone actually talk about spiritual stuff at the "Spiritual Concept" meeting.
So I just shut up about what happened & went back & rejoined the herd mentality. I just trotted out my war story each time I was asked to share from then on ... but I kept reading the book.
I became a closet BB guy
A year later, my spiritual experience had completely worn off, as I hadn't taken the necessary action & followed up with an immediate 4th step, and I wasn't travelling too well.
But I had had a taste of what Bill Wilson called the "Fourth Dimension of existence" and I wanted to get back there.
So I sought out a guy who had talked about the steps and went through them.
Problem was, after a large gap between step 3 & 4, I had gotten too sick again, to do an honest 4 step list, I hung onto a "few of the worst items in stock" as it says in the book.
Which meant my 8th step list was incomplete, which meant the most desperately needed amends were not made.
Not long after that, I decided I wasn't convinced about the 1st step.
So I downgraded my car by putting the decent one in a ditch (hard to drive when your asleep) separated from my wife, had a fling with some poor woman, lost a job, lost another job ... all the fun stuff.
So, finally threw in the towel again.
This time, got a big book thumping home group, got a big book thumping sponsor, 3rd step prayer last Tuesday night & writing up the fourth.
This time all the mucks coming out.
Woohoo
