Originally Posted by
biminiblue 
dox, yeah, they gave me phone numbers. But in four months of daily meetings, only one person asked for my number.
One.
If I had been able or even knew how to make friends, I probably wouldn't have been drinking by myself in my apartment in the first place, right?
Expecting the newcomer to be able and willing to reach out is a very tall order. My mind was so fried I couldn't put two thoughts together, and I had no one in my life who I could call - for any reason - not just as related to drinking. Me reaching out to some AAer was not going to happen.
Luckily that one person did call me and I called her. But it wasn't enough to keep me in the rooms or in the "program." She didn't stay in, either. We both started at the same time, so it wasn't like some old-timer who had worked the program was willing to help me, it was two newcomers talking to each other. Luckily that was enough to get me through to when I decided to quit AA.
If people in AA expect a newcomer to do all the work, all the reaching out, then expect a lot of attrition. Oh, yeah, that's what happens.
Exactly.
Listen up you comfortable AAs sitting in your nice meeting room waiting for the newcomer to come to you, call you, make all the running. Pick up your Big book and try and find where it says that is what AA is all about.
The lifesaving fact for me was I received the exact opposite treatment in the early meetings I went to. It was a member that called me, after my last bender, that got me back into the program. It was a member who took me to my first meeting, having given up an full afternoon to 12 step me. These folks saved my life. I never would have got there on my own. People rang me and showed they cared.
Thank you Bimini for sharing your experience. I am not going to deny it, I see it all the time.
There is hope however. Some of us have woken up and are trying to remedy the issues you raise, in our own small way. Having once been one of those comfortable AAs, I can tell you that when you change and start following the suggestions in the book, you will make a lot of people uncomfortable and you can expect a lot of flak. You might be called a nazi, a thumper, or a zealot, heck, I even get called religious, lbl.
You see, helping others is inconvenient and sometimes unpleasant. As one prosperous 10 year man told me the other day, since he got sober he hasn't got time to help anyone else, he's far too busy.
Bimini, I hope your posts makes a few AAs think.