Originally Posted by
biminiblue 
I think it's sad that people in the program do not reach out to newcomers because they themselves do not want to get "hurt" when/if a newcomer slips.
It is said in meetings that the newcomer is the most important person in the room, but it sure doesn't feel that way as a newcomer. No one reaches out, no one asks for your phone number, no one acts like they actually care. The mindset in AA is the newcomer has to do all the reaching out. That's damn near impossible for someone coming off alcohol who has disabled themselves through isolation.
Now I read here that all those people who acted like I didn't exist were so fragile in their own recovery that they couldn't/wouldn't take the chance of being friendly to someone because there is a chance that new person might relapse? WOW. That's enlightening. Ego preventing the 12th Step. Apparently it isn't really all that important to help the suffering.
Good to know. I'll be fine without AA. I don't think that is a good tactic to help the newly sober. I feel they need kindness and understanding and friendship.
I've found in my experiences in AA that I get out of it what I put into it. In the past I have been the newcomer who felt like what you have described above -- and this time I was the newcomer who was helped and welcomed when I got there. The only difference was my attitude going in.
Granted I already knew what didn't work when I came back to AA this time. Getting to the meeting right when it started didn't work. Sitting in the back of the room and never sharing didn't work. Leaving right after the meeting didn't work. Having people give me their number and then me not calling didn't work. Not asking for help didn't work.
I never realized that I was sending out the type of energy towards others that turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy. I finally realized that in order to receive help I had to ask for it. It's not that people didn't want to help me -- they were actually respecting me by not forcing themselves on me until I asked for it.