Hang in there, TDG. You need a goal and some faith. A goal that's beyond the short term, something you want to achieve down the road. Maybe that's just a better relationship with your family or to excel at the job you love. And faith is just acceptance that although it will be work you will be able to get there.
I will admit that it's impossible to understand what you're going through without going through it I do know that good outcomes can be the norm! It often takes a while to get the correct drugs but very often a mixture of meds and therapy can work wonders!
You can't "control" wonky brain chemistry or how your mind works, but you can remind yourself that there's hope.
