Originally Posted by
allforcnm 
With my husband very few people, to this day.. know he was ever addicted to drugs. I think some people realized he wasn't well.. he lost weight, was more unkempt, and probably acted a little strange at times.. but the fact that it was an addiction escaped most people. Whats funny is Ive even had a few people say that our separation was so hard on him, he looked like he was having a rough time and they are so happy we got back together. I just laugh and say it was hard on me too, and Im also really happy we are back together. LOL
I personally think this is a much more common scenario especially when your dealing with prescription drug abuse and addiction. I can see this with a binge user also. Something happens he cant deal with and he binges, then goes back to normal... Hard to say what is going on with his GF but maybe she is also weighing the totality of it all, can see patterns where good times are getting longer.. etc. I don't like to try to judge others but I know it can truly be complicated.
I also think it would be logical to have a forum specifically for codependency where it could be discussed in detail. Being a F&F of a substance abuse doesn't equate with codependency, but its talked about so much here I think people get confused. I also think as Chino said.. a lot of people don't stick around... I think its because if newcomers don't buy into the codependency concept they feel uncomfortable here as its almost pushed to a certain degree.
Just my opinion of course.. as that's what I felt as a newcomer.
I also don't think its insulting to suggest there should be a specific forum for this topic because its obvious its important to a lot of members. We have mental health forums, anxiety, eating disorders, insomnia... why not codependency...
Other than the perhaps more obvious "smell" of someone who has been drinking heavily, heavy prescription drug abusers, like alcoholics, often THINK that no one else knows or that they are hiding it well. However, people know something is different---more people than you think, or than you might want to believe. Over time, over a period of years, when people act bizarrely or as if they're "on drugs"....people know. Thinking otherwise is all part of the "my addict is special" mentality that so many of us have.
As for your other topic, getting hung up on the term "codependency" is not of any benefit, and dividing up those who believe they are codependents from those who don't believe they are would also serve no purpose. It's not as if most of people who might be codependent even realize they are at first, so having those people start in a separate forum will only make them label themselves when they have no knowledge base to place that label. The reality is that most people married to addicts have had negative experiences with addiction (to say the least), and this fact should be shared with those who are new. I believe if this saves one person from getting wrapped up in 20 years of pain with an addict and ruining their lives, it's worth a few unnecessary "codependent" labels.