Thanks for all the comments and observations. I'm a newbie to DA. Survivor of a marriage to an A who is now sober.
I remember how very, very enmeshed I got in getting him sober. The comments that resonated with me are the comments about trying to control....if I have an addiction, it would be control. I can remember turning the house upside down looking for bottles. Not as easy to do with an adult child living outside the house but I can ruminate end about what he can and should do to get his life in order.
I suppose its not so much (in my case) an addiction to the addict as much as an addiction to the drama.....his needs come first and the work I need to complete in my life falls by the wayside.
It's much easier for me to see the speck in his eye than the log in my own....and I rationalize.
Thanks friends,
qwer