Damn the pendulum has swung damn feeling low
I am active and post often because I want someone to read what I wrote and understand this habit or at least see a bit of themselves in my post. I am not shy about my opinions nor am I afraid to share anything and ever thing with this community. Why, because there in lies recovery, recovery should be both a personal and social experience.
Tonight, I am down, I am so far down. I have some hope tomorrow I have an appointment with rehab recruiter, today I did counseling, but now my mode is melancholy. I hate these moments I detest these moments but this sure does feel awful.
So low, I feel like I don't matter, I feel like no matter what I do it won't count for anything, these moments are sudden and extreme. Luckily for me, the medication have silenced the the inner voices ( yeah I here voices still on medication) I want it all to stop. I want the urges to stop.
Yep absolutely being bipolar, but I decided some time ago to just be honest, because there is possibility someone might read what I wrote and relate and can draw from this community.
Damn this feeling sucks, I hate drinking this week, I hate the institutionalize I am going to have to do, I hate drinking, I hate not drinking, WOW what an overwhelming sense of grief and despair.
I know the answer is just around the corner, but for me it might as well be 5k miles away. I don't want to be medicated for life, I know I have to be, but just stuck mentally. Man, tonight is going to be long and rough, not sure why I've come to this place again. I suppose its all in my head on some level, but I get here often.
I am not going to drink, I am going to medication compliant to silence the voices ( scary and crazy right) what the hell can one do. I just want it all to stop, I still have hope and know that I have to do this all, but I am tired of talking about me, tired of being introspective, tired of being an addict, why today or any day why can't I just have peace?
Know friends, I go through this often and just thought I would post my thoughts, hope I didn't depress any of you, just the pendulum of recovery and thoughts I experience. I feel by posting these things, others can see they aren't alone, but also fear I am adding to their negative feelings
Worry not friends, we will beat this, and these feelings aren't permanent I am told, just where I am tonight. Stay safe and sober friends.