Originally Posted by
BlueChair 
I agree there would be a learning curve especially for someone who got involved with an active addict but had no experience in dealing with addiction. Or when it happens out of the blue, like it did for me !
Its not even like everyone who is addicted is an obvious addict. A lot of people are highly functional, and hide their addictions. They work, take care of their kids and we may have people in our lives right now we see everyday who are addicted and we just don’t know it. We wouldn’t until we got really close, saw them at the wrong moment, or witness them getting high. And then it takes time to process this information and weigh it against our own beliefs, and how this relationship affects our lives.
My husband used drugs in college, then he quit and didn’t use again for about 8 years at the time he relapsed. Hes a wonderful man with a long list of positive adjectives I could use to describe him. I wasn’t codependent to get involved with him. When he relapsed last year it threw me and left me in shock and very confused. I only knew what was going on for a couple of weeks before he got really sick, went missing. His parents were excellent and like with any other illness they worked to find him the best care, and I don’t think this is codependent either. Luckily he accepted it !
We work as a team in his recovery, do family counseling and all the rest and I don’t think this is codependent either especially because his doctors recommend it.
I also don’t think Im codependent to stay with him while hes recovering from this. Not codependent because Im willing to accept possibility of a future relapse. To me it would be like saying don’t stay with anyone who has a flaw, or anyone who has a serious illness and it might return one day.
Theres a lot goes on when dealing with addiction, and its ongoing feelings, question, constant learning. It’s a shame there isnt a Codependency Forum here on SR to go along with the Friends and Family of Substance Abusers forum. But I learn something from everyone here so maybe its just as well.
I totally agree. I especially like your point about not every addict being an obvious one. When I first discovered my son was doing drugs he was living with me and his wife and children were also. My husband and I and his wife didn't know. We really didn't.
Looking back there were signs but we didn't see them or attributed them to something else. He is a binge user meaning that he goes long periods without using and then when he has a crisis of some kind he does drugs. With that type of addict it is even harder to tell because for chunks of time he IS sober. It is really hard actually because there will be times when you think he is getting better but then it happens again so you really never know. So frustrating.
I think a co-dependency section on the forum would be a good thing.
Kari