Take comfort in the fact that you've identified what's hurting you and are taking positive steps to recover. I'm newly sober myself, and I can feel my throat tighten when I reflect on the heinous things I did to my friends and family when overcome with my addiction. It hurts at first, but the hurt becomes more manageable with some time. I've gone back and forth in the past few years, and when I start drinking again my problems get worse and my shame intensifies. This time I'm just tired of lying to myself. The previous times I would always convince myself that I was going to stop once I got a new job or moved to a different city. I'd have a few days of sobriety, then I'd binge again. The binges just got worse and worse. Stopping now is the best thing you can do. Even if you haven't had one of those drastic bottoms. Just think of how your kids would feel if you did. Be well!