sadathome, I see you've been with SR since March of this year. Have you had a chance to check out the Friends and Family of Alcoholics section of the forum? It's here
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I think if you head over there, you'll read a lot of stories that sound familiar to you. Everyone there has been in your shoes and understands how it is. You might find that section to be especially helpful.
This thread might be useful for you, too:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
As others have said, you
do have choices. You are
not a hostage to your A's illness. Reading and posting here at SR and attending Alanon meetings can help you see your path to a better life. I hope you visit often.
Wishing you strength and clarity.