Thanks everyone, your words of support mean so much to me! Still dusting myself off and trying not to beat myself up. I keep asking myself why I did this, why I picked up the very thing that I know I cannot and should not. Why? Because I am an alcoholic ... that's why. The monster in my head won that battle, but the war is far from over. Every success and every failure teaches me something and strengthens my resolve. Time to clean up the mess in my head and move on.