Originally Posted by
Nenya 
I am not looking for sympathy, pats on the head and "it will be okays" just don't do anything for me any more.
If you're looking for more than pats on the head, you are in the right place, Nenya. There is a lot of tough love and hard-earned wisdom here at SR, and the focus is on
you and taking care of yourself, not the A. I hope you find what you're looking for.
I'd suggest reading as much as you can here, especially the stickies at the top of the page. You'll almost surely see yourself in some of the stories and you'll know you're not alone.
Alanon is another great resource, and many here have found that having some face-to-face support in addition to SR is a strong combination.
Wishing you strength and clarity.