sometimes I wanna just get obliterated and not feel this loneliness
I get this feeling, too. And I'm in a great marriage, have amazing children and friends. That is my Additive Voice (AV) telling me that I'm not worthwhile and no one understands and blah blah blah. I'm not saying that is what is going on with you, but wanted to tell you that this is what my AV tells me.
I truly appreciate your honesty in your post and this thread.
Sending you tons of support and prayers.