I hope your find your woman, but until you do... what's your plan for finding some peace and contentment in sobriety? The issue here seems to be that you're jeopardizing your sobriety (and livelihood, health, sanity, etc) because of your beliefs that you need someone else in your life to make you happy. This is an issue separate from your drinking. And it's also a chance for your addictive voice to find something to drink over. Hope you see it for what it is.