yes allysen that is such a GOOD point about the texting! and bullfrong you really peaked my interest about my feelings being classic for abuse. I googled a little and saw a lot of commonalities in what I was reading. I thought his behavior was/is dry drunk-he has been abusive - verbally and physically (he never "beat" me, not that it matters) but the physical intimidation, grabbing keys and phones, smashing what is around him - throwing non weighted items at me, arm grabbing and all of that. It also makes me wonder, was I in an alcoholic marriage, or an abusive marriage? Both? Does it matter? I feel like it matters to me. I need to know "where I came from"
Who am I?!
I need to know how to help myself. I know I am trailing off from my original post... I don't feel as hateful towards him since I spoke to him. Even though he said crappy things, I heard his voice. Firesprite you may be onto something about what I am used to. I wonder if hearing his voice triggered something.