I think getting sober means a willingness to change. I think relapsing can become a pattern. Many get stuck in that "purgatory" if you will…not drinking but not fully committed to leaving that aspect of their lives behind. That fulcrum is the crux of sobriety. I think chronic relapsing is simply a way of drinking differently, an attempt to mitigate the problem but keeping options open. Trying to live sober when one is miserable and burdened with the feeling of being deprived of something is a tough place to be.
For me, it took the realization that I wasn't depriving myself of anything, nothing was being "taken away". I needed to look at where my life was headed square on and realize absolutely no one else could do this for me. It wasn't something I could delegate I had to assume full responsibility for what I was doing to myself.
People without the affliction might not understand why we cling so tightly to something that is harming us. We have to realize that we are built differently, and that that sort of thinking doesn't serve us.