Day 3 off heroin - demons
Hi all,
I've been on here before, each time I try and come off I get sucked back in and life in General gets worse. For about the 5th time this year I've managed 3 days off heroin thanks to lots of subs, Xanax, codeine Etc. Even with 32mgs of suboxone on weds I couldn't get out of bed all day. Been addicted to heroin for about 3 years now. I always seem to get to day 4 or 5, I don't feel too bad (just had another sub) but the wolves are howling in my mind. I've already forgotten how bad the last 2 days have been (I still look and feel like **** but I'm used to that) I can feel myself mentally committing to use tomorrow morning. I'm visualising scoring, the warm feeling when i use, none of the bad **** like the state of my relationships, work, life generally. Sick of getting to day 4 or 5 and cracking. Cos another cycle of insanity will begin, not able to go to work till I've smoked $300 worth of gear, feeling sick if I don't, walking around in la la land when I do. I hate being an addict. I've always had problems with drink/drugs but it's never ****** my life quite up like this has. I'm 40 next year and it scares and depresses me when I look at life. **** me is it all worth this????