expectations are a part of life....if i have a job, my employer has expectations about my attendance and performance. if i have a bank account, i have certain expectations about how the bank will manage my funds. if i drive, there are certain expecations about my behavior on the roadways, and that i maintain a current drivers license and insurance.
so yes within relationships there are/should/can be at least a minimum of expectations - based upon the agreement between the two parties. in NON-toxic relationships this would include trust, respect, honesty and concern for the other. there would also be a sync between ACTIONS and WORDS. consistency would be the benchmark.
do what you say you're gonna do, be where you say you're gonna be. that's a level of authenticity that is absent from toxic/addiction based relationships. cuz there's always a personal agenda that pre-empts the "rules" of co-existence and co-habitation. at least one part abides by the ME FIRST philosophy. and the other usually subscribes to the WE or YOU philosophy. that voids any collaboration or compromise. there can only be ONE winner in the game....runners up are not allowed.
if you can't depend on someone to show up for dinner on a regular consistent basis.....then what does that SAY? or to remember where HOME is. or that they actually HAVE a partner with their own thoughts and feelings and wants and desires.