For me, the growing up in an alcoholic home leads to the "questioning of what NORMAL really is".
Honestly, I'm still wondering.
What's normal? What's healthy? Do I even know? What I grew up with was certainly a horrible model...but why do I think I had some good times in my childhood memory as well? Maybe it's my black-and-white thinking feeling uncomfortable with both good and bad in my childhood. The black-and-white thoughts say, NO, it was only good or only bad.
I guess the trick for me has been that trying to figure someone else out and what expectations they might honor/not honor or whatever will just DRIVE ME CRAZY. If I'm driving someone else's brain...who's driving mine? I can't handle several lives at once. The only life I can live is mine.
Thus, my question is more about what's normal, healthy, productive, etc - FOR ME. What's OK with me? What's NOT? In that effort, I have to learn and grow in fully understanding WHO I AM - getting to know ME. And being OK with it.
Since you and I are different people, I can't really tell you what's healthy, normal, productive for YOU. Only what's healthy, normal, productive for me. There will probably be some overlap for sure. But not completely.
I suppose you could be asking yourself - your inner child, your inner you - "Hey ME - are we ok with this? or are we NOT? If not, what do we want to do about it? We can't make someone do anything, but we definitely have control over our own brain, our own choices, our own feet. What do we want to do?" The higher power can deal with everything else (the stuff you can do nothing about). His relapse in drinking is outside of your control.
Some thoughts to ponder.