Glad to see you back Lucy!
Torn, giving up is failure, continuing to try is not. As far as the depression and feelings that happiness will never return, been there, and I expect to have those times again on occasion. I really am surprised sometimes that my default state is no longer the feeling of a hole in my heart. The pain eases as you work through things and as you let time do its thing. I can remember thinking about SR, they've not known MY pain. I won't ever heal. Well, these people in this thread were right and I was wrong. As far as faith, if I'd turned to my faith and listened to God, none of this would have happened. So, my only way out is listening. I know that isn't everyone's path, but it is mine. You. Can. Do. This. And you will.