I've been in and out of Therapy for many years. I need to call my therapist and schedule and appointment. She's the best one Ive ever found....the only problem is she isn't schooled on addiction. She specialized in adult male survivors of sexual abuse. When I relapse (which is all the freakin time) we can't have sessions because you can't do therapy under the influence.
I normally have some sort of a spark....some motivation that keeps me going and fighting. But lately it has left me. I'm feeling sorry for myself, utterly hopeless, and just want to use. It sucks. I feel like I'm missing something. Like a final piece of a puzzle that'll keep me motivated and determined to not pick up NO MATTER WHAT.