Dandylion, I almost would consider it, but I want to be clearly here, for this. The anxiety was bad today, and after I told him that the internet was going to be off on friday, I got really anxious. But, after a bit, I talked to my daughter, and it helped me to calm down. I went to work, and was able to distract myself , until I felt much more relaxed.
It gets bad, and then eases up, so I think I will be alright. Not out of the question though, lol, if things get even worse.
You know Fandy, I am so scarred , from being a child of alcoholics, that I don't see the horror in it that others would. I mean, I know it is horrible, but I am so used to dealing with stubborn, selfish, and dysfunctional people, that it feels like my lot in life, you know?
I know what healthy is, but how to achieve it is tricky for me. I am getting better though.
I should never be afraid of my own child. it breaks my heart, when he gets enraged and I get nervous, and angry about it. He has never hurt me, but its like he barks like a mean dog. I dont know if he is trying to scare me or if he is just that full of anger. He usually apologizes a short while later, so I think it is anger.
I only hope that some day he realized how awful it was, and I hope he can change enough to work, to feel good about his self, and to feel like he has value.
I am working hard to see him as a grown man , instead of my son who used to be so thoughtful and sweet and never said a mean word to anyone.
I guess he was up all night on the computer. That is how it has been for a long while now. you cant feel like job hunting when you spend all your time , day and night, and I believe its an addiction in itself.