Hey Cloudsky,
Firstly, I think it's ace that you've been sober for so long. I'm jealous (in a non green and smiley sort of way! hehe). Keep up the good work...
I think what you're saying here makes a lot of sense and I can totally relate to you.
I often feel feel like an outsider and alcohol has always helped me with that (sadly). It relaxed me enough so that I could get into conversations with groups of friends that I was out with (otherwise I'd just sit listening and feeling awkward) and brought me out of my shell. I think alcohol also made it easier for me to open up, which you obviously need to do in order to develop friendships and relationships.
Also: the idea of telling people that I make friends with that I'm totally sober seems daunting to me. What if they don't feel comfortable being around me when they're drinking and I'm not? I certainly know a lot of people who feel this way about non drinkers. How will I tell my future partner that I don't drink? Will they judge me? Will I put them off? I'm just not sure how I'm going to fit in as a 'non drinker'. I'm not sure if these fears are irrational or not.
I guess I'll find a way round this once I'm in that situation (hopefully...), but right now it does seem like it's going to be really tricky
I know it's not going to be easy, especially because you're shy, but maybe reaching out to the casual acquaintances that you already have (and like) and suggesting fun things to do, that don't necessarily involve booze, might lead to a deeper friendship or connection...?
Once again, I think it's ace to hear that you've made so much progress, it's inspiring.