Originally Posted by
NYCDoglvr 
What I learned in Alanon is there is a difference between love and need. What I thought was love was really my codie need which resulted in me hanging on to someone I didn't like, trust or respect. It wasn't about him, it was about me.
This is so true. When I look back at that time I realize that in my internal dialogues that I almost never used the word "I". It was always us or we or just her name. I was losing my sense of self. At that time in my mind I didn't even exist outside of our relationship. I was being assimilated into the alkie/codie collective. Resistance was futile.
Finally I hit my bottom and had a moment of clarity and began to remove myself from the collective, establish my own identity and begin my recovery.
Thank God for this site and Al-Anon.
Your friend,