allinon

Thank you for this thread.

I've just realized within last six weeks that my husband is an alcoholic.... it was all happening right before my eyes, but I was so blind to it.

I have in many ways detached from him over the years:

-I moved out of our bedroom because his nasal polyps and snoring disrupted my sleep and worsened my fibromyalgia.....so the literal physical intimacy is gone.

-Over the years he's away from home more and more, playing double rounds of golf every Sat & Sun, going to my brother's house (his own personal bar)..... and I really don't care. I'm actually relieved, except when our college kids are home and he's choosing to be away from them, too.

-When he yells and goes off in a verbal abusive rant (for whatever stupid reason), I just zone out....

When I first came to SR and read all threads about people who can't leave their AHs because they love them so much, I couldn't relate at all and thought what was wrong with me.

I dream of leaving and living in small house. I'm feeling stuck financially, and hating myself for staying because I realize the same thing as y'all have posted in this thread:

I just don't like him anymore. I hate to talk with him about anything beyond the weather.... just about everything else leads to a tirade about politics, middle east, end times, etc. I just don't want to hear it.

I'm working on getting myself healthy right now.... then will be considering my options in the next several months.

But yes, the thought of staying with him for the rest of my life really makes me ill. I've come to this realization and while I'm a little sad, I'm more determined to carve out a peaceful life for myself.

Thanks for posting this thread and making me feel ok!