Originally Posted by
chicory 
It has been the hardest time I have gone through. four divorces and this is h arder by far. it is heartbreaking to wonder if your grown child has a mental illness or if he is just a super azz####, mean, nasty, selfish, lazy, etc.
I am telling myself that this will bring about something good. Even though I am feeling sick at my stomach, from the arguing, which is so hard to avoid, and dread of his temper, and fear that he is just mentally unbalanced. No one else would help him, and it hurts to think that maybe there will be no happy ending. Just very hard to do. Maybe others could do something like this more easily, but we are all different.
fourmaggie, I dont have your backbone. and that makes things very hard for me. but i am going forward, but hating every step. just trying to have faith .
People can be mentally ill and ***holes at the same time, but often it's to do with what they can get away with. He has challenges, but he hasn't had an incentive to change either, and you forcing his hand has brought out his fear, expressed as anger. The fact that you've had to force yourself every step of the way increases my respect for your courage. He's not the only one struggling to change behaviour.
I know going back through the lead up to this has made you feel guilty, but you're the only one who's been there for him. Certainly not his father. A friend with 3 boys where the father checked out early, told me it's very hard to stay strong with only you to hold the line.
You're not going to be around forever, and you're doing him favour by forcing the issue now. If he gets treatment and a job, I hope you'll follow up with having him leave. It may not have a happy ending, but you have to try.