If I have guilt, it is because of things were not ideal when my kids were young. I did not ask the things of him that I expected from the girls. He seemed to struggle , or be impatient, or not be able to focus on things , so I did for him, instead of being like your mom, I was not hard enough on him. I feel guilt in that I think it may have crippled him, in many ways. No one can come on here and poohpooh that, because they were not there, and in a few paragraphs, I cannot convey what it was like for us when they were young.
My girls are strong independent women too. I am not at all sure that he does not have mental illness, so that hurts too.
Today was very ugly, as was yesterday. He did call the mental health clinic back and spoke with the lady there and I gather they had a good conversation. She wants us to come to talk about why we do not see eye to eye on this matter. I spoke with her this morning, before he called her this afternoon. I did tell her some about the situation, and that he was not going to be forthcoming with any admissions of responsibility. She said that a lot of people are that way and the counselors realize that.
So I wonder if what she said to him was just a bit of schmoozing him into coming in? I guess we will go in sometime this week, with his id, insurance card, and make an appt. I was not home today, to do so. It was so ugly this morning, and I wanted to leave to find an internet device, which is turning out to be much more complicated than I thought. My situation here is a bit different, what with having to deal with a rage aholic, I don't want him to know I have a tablet if that is the way I go. I scheduled the internet to be turned off Friday... I plan to not be here when that happens. If he gets to raging at me, I will be calling the mental health crisis 911 line, to come and visit.
I went ahead with scheduling the turn off, because i have no faith that he is going to cooperate, and i am tired of waiting for him to do so. I don't have much faith that he will agree to anything, until he finds his self without internet, and then he will just hate my guts, as he said this morning among other lovely things, which he did call and apologize for.. it was just bad.
It has been the hardest time I have gone through. four divorces and this is h arder by far. it is heartbreaking to wonder if your grown child has a mental illness or if he is just a super azz####, mean, nasty, selfish, lazy, etc.
I am telling myself that this will bring about something good. Even though I am feeling sick at my stomach, from the arguing, which is so hard to avoid, and dread of his temper, and fear that he is just mentally unbalanced. No one else would help him, and it hurts to think that maybe there will be no happy ending. Just very hard to do. Maybe others could do something like this more easily, but we are all different.
fourmaggie, I dont have your backbone. and that makes things very hard for me. but i am going forward, but hating every step. just trying to have faith .