Are you looking for anything in return when you think of contacting your daughter?
Can you contact her with these thoughts in mind … I will not talk her into help nor will I question her choices or react to anything she says or take anything personal if she attacks back?
Can you contact her knowing she may not contact back and not have it send you off any deep end?
For me I removed any motive and didn’t have any agenda in terms of my son. I told him flat out very early on, that only he had control of his life and that he could live as he chose. And if he wanted to use crack well who was I say he couldn’t. He also knew there were consequences to his actions because I was clear there as well….Once he wasn’t at home anymore, if I wanted to see him I would go see him. I didn’t call or email because he didn’t have access to either and I wouldn’t anyway. I didn’t need to speak to him ( trust me he found a way to call with no phone enough), I just wanted to hug him. Where he was, was in an area I went through to go other places, so if I was going through an wanted to see him I would drive by the house he was at. If he was outside then I would stop get out, hug him and go on my way. A matter of a few minutes. I never went by just to check, ever.
It wasn’t about him…
Neither was my open invitation to dinner. Which most didn’t agree with but I wasn’t looking to please anyone, nor did I really care.
For all the months he was out of the house he came once to eat.
For all the times he called looking for cash cause he needed food and was starving. I would say well baby you know what time dinner is I hope you stop by … he never showed. And the reality of it all was always in his actions not tending to match his words. His actions always showed the truth.
I have to say this. If you do contact her the addiction and any means of help should be off limits in every way. And I say this not so much as a mom but as a teen who used. She knows how you feel, she knows you don’t like to see her as she is. She knows it breaks your heart and it isn’t that she doesn’t care, but that she is broken herself and your pain is what you are taking on as personal. She knows you love her, and you have to remember that she does love you. Keep it simple, it is much healthier for both of you.