Would I love him to get help and be sober and for him to come home and for us to work through all the difficulties we have had....yes I would he's my H and we have been together 18 years and he was kind, thoughtful, sweet and loving at times, the real him I like to think. maybe I'm delusional and that was all just a front and he pretended to be that person deep down but the addiction took over and he became someone I didn't know or maybe it was all a lie and he pretended to be that person for whatever reason. I don't know and that's the problem with addiction I don't know what was real or manipulation and lies
Do I think that he will get help and seek sobriety, that he will come home and we will work through our difficulties......no I don't. He will never put in the hard work as he always took the easy options.
Will I take him back if he seeks sobriety.....I honestly don't know, yes I would love it all to work out but that an ideal world I don't know if I ever could take him back, how could I ever trust him again, feel safe and secure in my marriage again I don't think I could but of course it's not that he wants to come back or has even made an effort to get help.
He read some of the information I sent him about recovery that doesn't require groups or counselling, I can't remember what it's called, I read about it here. Ut he was drinking when he read it, sure that's no use to him!!
I'm very conflicted about how I feel, I still need to take it one day at a time and try to understand my own feelings and what it want for my own life and figure out who I am, as it have no idea and stop worrying, thinking and driving myself mad wondering what he will decide to do, what he's doing now and many more obsessional thoughts my mind comes up with!!