I switch a lot between the forums, and I do see a lot of things that make sense in Al-Anon and the 12-Step approach, BUT the only time when my husband did stop drinking (even for a brief period of time) was when he FEARED. It was not me pleading or trying to prove my love, but it was when I had a really "strong reaction" (to put it that way) that freaked him out and when he did not dare to **** me off for days. It also happened when he had a health scare episode, and he is really afraid of doctors, needles, medical exams. So, it is always fear.
The problem is, sooner or later, I start feeling sorry for him and soften, so my ultimatum becomes an empty threat.
I'll have to quit enabling, make myself act, and not just babble.