Well, the first couple of years, I stayed with him wondering whether he was an alcoholic or not, counting every drop of alcohol. I absolutely knew nothing about codependency, even never heard the word, only knew that alcoholism was very very bad, and actually, I was even raised to despise addicts.
Then I finally accepted I married one, and now I am watching his decline. I actually, believe it or not, never tried to manipulate him into anything, or even control. I was only trying to control the environment, but it is hard when someone is sneaking behind your back and when that person is playing dirty. Again, most of my actions were due to ignorance, at first. But now I feel like I was trained. Years ago, I knew exactly what I wanted in life, what kind of family, what kind of a man, I had a plan for the future. Now I see nothing, feel stuck and a bit devastated knowing that my husband will not change, ever.
It is simply amazing how my brain is great when it comes to rationalizing and finding excuses. Year after year after year. And I even wonder how bad does it have to get so I finally leave.