I've been watching your replies (thank you!!), and I've also been thinking a lot. I don't know if it fits yet, but I'm toying with the idea that it's a way to have a relationship yet avoid true intimacy. I mean, the idea of intimacy sounds fabulous in theory, but in trying to look at myself and see if that's really something I'm good at wanting, I kind of think maybe it's not. I kind of feel like a shell of a person with zero substance behind my constant smile. So maybe I worry that there's nothing behind it and pick a partner who can't provide true intimacy. Anyone have similar thoughts??