Thank you everyone. Anvil you are right I disrespected my own boundary but getting back on the roller coaster and asking questions that I know he can't answer!! What love is not is an easy one lol.
Ardy I find it really therapeutic writing it all out sometimes I just need to get it out of my head to try and make sense of what's going on in my head!!
Meggem I'm sorry you have also had a difficult day, sending you hugs also. Yes let's start fresh right now!!