i can be pretty cold. In some ways my emotions are shut down do i dont get stung. and in other ways I just dont care I've been through so much that i'm like meh whatever life will just go on as it always does.
I dont have a ton of ambition to do anything further with my life. I'm oddly becoming more content with just how my life is. I'm ok to find happyness just looking out the window and seeing the view i dont need to strive for more money or a bigger house or something.
I was raised that nothing is ever good enough and that we should always strive for more. I think that mentality backfired for me.
Now I think whatever is is good enough. For example I can go for a run and think was that good enough should i have tired to go faster longer further? then I have to come back and say it is what it is its what i did today and its good enough in what it was / is.
I dont want to work in my field anymore I have no more interest in it. I maintain my job for the income at the moment but if i loose it i'll be in trouble I dont have the skills to een get another job in this field even if i wanted one. I'm ok with that. But like you my father would probably also tell me i'm lazy and i need to get off my butt and get a job in the field as its what i know etc... and I think what at the expense of my happiness and sanity? never mind the fact that I lack the skills to even get a job cause I have nto kept up with things.
It bothers me to the extent that I feel i have to justify myself to people who dont understand all thats going through my head. But if its just up to me? I dont care I'm fine with bagging groceries for a living or walking the streets I'll do my best to bloom where i'm planted and find happiness however i can.
I could be rich and miserable. I could be poor and happy as a clam or vice versa go figure.