Snaggle, I am so sorry about your pup
. That is always so hard.
I know it is painful and the first instinct can be to pick up the bottle when you're sad but there really is a cleansing and raw sadness that comes from grieving sober. It is far different and real compared to grieving drunk. Every color is brighter, every edge sharper sober. It is ok to be sad.
It also is ok to be sad and feel horrible as you get sober. It is normal I think. You're here, you must want to do it. Maybe you can start now.