You cannot allow him to do this to you anymore. Yes you need protection so you need to protect yourself. You cannot allow what he says to get to you! Focus on your child and getting yourself healthy. You are not saying anything irrational. You just need to get to a point where you dont care about him and why he did any of that and why he does what he does now. Do not let him or that gf in your head and determine your worth. You have been abused and now its your time to take your power back. You can do it!! We will support you!! I will pray for you and your child!