NW I understand how you feel. As an acoa myself I find myself wanting to save the children. Unfortunately we can't. It would make us nuts even trying. And some people really don't see a problem with this kind of ' toughening up' of boys. I find it appalling but I can't stop it.
What I can do is share my feelings regarding these amends. I am not a formal AA member but do believe in the importance of making amends to our loved ones at least. The OPs description sounds like a really attempt at appeasing her and not true amends