The only way I have found I can forget the pain of my past is to do my drugs and drink myself to oblivion.
The only way I have found I can deal with the pain of my past is by accepting the fact that it has happened and I want to do better and make sure it never ever happens again.
If I sit in my head day in and day out, I am done for. So I never allow my mind to have a dull moment when I first get sober. If I am sitting in a quiet room I turn the tv on and my music from the computer or my ipod. I draw even if it's a stupid stick figure. I try new hobbies or find a marathon of shows to watch.
I cannot put my mind on standby. If that means reading until I pass out then that's what I have to do.
For so long now, I have taught my mind the only way to forget is to get high and drunk. I made sure I did not feel.
I am having to re teach it everything, and feel the pain of the past.
I was told when a painful thought comes up- let it. Feel all of it. Let your heart hurt, let yourself cry, let it alllll come out. It will pass and you will make it through alive and feel better once it passes. No matter what the mistake was, or if someone else wronged you.. If you feel it now t won't hurt so bad later.
Us alcoholics and addicts HATE feeling. Yet sober, all we do is feel and we want to shut it down. Well we can't anymore. The more I fill that feeling will booze and drugs the worse it will hurt later down the road when I get sober again.
I've also learned talking about it, no matter how embarrassing helped me a lot too. If I confided in someone I didn't have to take the pain on alone. That person shared it with me, so I didn't feel so alone with hurt and helplessness.