Hi jmartin. I am sorry you are going through this. My AH and I are separated after he walked out to continue drinking. I know how hard it is to love someone but because of the problems alcohol causes to marriages and families there is that uncertainty as to whether you really want to step back onto that roller coaster again.
My H continues to drink and refuses to seek help and he can't come home while this is happening. I like you have left the door open for him as I love him and want him home but not while drinking. For me going no contact is extremely difficult but I find that I am clearer in what I want and feel. Recently my H and I have been having contact via text and it causes all sorts of confusion and distress for me because of his mixed messages and how I feel about the situation. It was kindly pointed out to me on this forum that I am stronger when I have no contact as I am able to focus on me what I want and figure out how I feel. Maybe that what you need time away from your W to get your own head around everything and understand how you feel and want and maybe some individual counselling for you
I wish you peace