DesertEyes

Hello unease7, and pleased to "meet" you

I was married 20 years when my ex started on the pills and the affairs. I have a friend who was married 35 before his ex did the same thing.

My ex never got burned like that, but there were plenty of other situations where I just closed my mind to the reality of the problem. I know exactly what you mean when you say that.

Awesome that you are going to Alanon. My personal opinion is that Alanon _rocks_, I have found it to be a fantastic source of hope and information.

That is _exactly_ what my ex would say. She was right, I did bring up _her_ past a lot. It took me awhile but I also realized that it did absolutely no good to do that. I was just trying to get her to realize the harm she was doing to herself and to our marriage. Alanon showed me a lot of better approaches to dealing with her addiction.

What helped me the most was to learn about the disease of addiction. There was so much that I doing as a reaction to my _feelings_, instead of doing as part of a plan based on information and knowledge. As HoneyPig said, there's tons of great info at the top of this forum in the "Sticky" threads.

Alanon was also a huge help. Like you said in your post, I met so many people that were going thru almost the same problems I was. Listening to them share what worked and what did not work was priceless.

No worries, that is the whole reason SoberRecovery is here, write all you want.

I know what you mean. Addiction made a mess of my marriage and my life. I think that loving someone who is struggling with addiction has to be one of the most horrible things that can happen in life. For me it was the absolute worst that I have ever dealt with.

By the way, welcome to SoberRecovery. I am so sorry you had to find us, but I hope you find some answers and some hope here.

Mike